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Author: Subject: Like you haven't thought about it...
Hetty
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posted on 3-9-2004 at 03:19 AM
Like you haven't thought about it...

I don't have a problem with cosmetic procedures. After all,if you can rehab your house where (if you're lucky) you spend only about four waking hours a day, why not rehab yourself, with whom you spend ALL your hours?

Oddly enough, I feel more genuinely attractive now than I did in my youth. I feel people like me for me not just because I'm young. I just want to look vital and well-rested (ten years younger would be a bonus).

So--what's worth the time and money and what's not? I'm using Retin-A which seems to be helping. I'm considering the Obagi blue peel - not the one done all at once but over a series of visits. Surgery is just a little too scary - lots of times I think the 'before' looks better than the 'after'.

Vanity? Or the realization that we don't have to age like our mothers did? "Not Your Mother's Menopause" - now that's a slogan!

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dcamp
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posted on 3-9-2004 at 11:50 AM
You go girl!!!!! I've said it more than once on these boards. Why look old when we have all sorts or options not to? I find absolutely nothing wrong with making an effort to look our very best. If a woman doesn't care about her looks--if her attitude is "oh well", then I wonder what other things she does half-heartedly. I love to put my best face forward and I also love it when I get complimented on how nice I look. And come on ladies---how many of you wouldn't feel the same? We polish and scrub our homes and all they are is wood, and plaster and paint etc. I'm with Hetty!





If you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance...............

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chriscarol
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posted on 3-10-2004 at 06:11 PM
I'm personally wouldn't do anything
drastic, cuz, I've seen some freaky face
lifts. I've been using Retin A, plus
sunblock, since age 28. I've gotten
enough attention in my life for being
good looking. Hate to see it fade,
but it's unrealistic to think you'll look 30,
forever. Also, as I've said before my
sanity, has become more important than
my vanity. That's kind of what happens
with meno from hell. A lesson to be
learned, perhaps.





CHRISCAROL

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chriscarol
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posted on 3-10-2004 at 06:13 PM
My mother had a much easier menopause,
than I. She's a stuffer, however.





CHRISCAROL

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chriscarol
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posted on 3-10-2004 at 06:14 PM
Lord, I gotta wear those specs.
Sorry for typos. Blindness, still adapting
to that.





CHRISCAROL

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leanne0721
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posted on 3-11-2004 at 08:34 PM
This past weekend, I had a woman in an elevator say to me "You're a very attractive woman."

It was the best compliment of my life.

Yes, the whistles from the young boys are gone, and my bikini days are over, but I am very happy to have graduated.

I like your style, dcamp, best face forward....I LOVE that!!

I have noticed that 40, 45, 50.... doesn't look the way it USE to!! No, it is definately NOT our mother's menopause!





Leanne

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lindawonders
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posted on 3-22-2004 at 07:26 PM
cut and paste

I am 49. In fact, my entire life has revolved in some way shape or form around how I look. Some may say I have been lucky to have always been beautiful. I got many jobs because of how I looked. I got many men because of how I looked. I got attention constantly because of how I looked. But the sad thing is that I never knew I was beautiful. I always felt less than. Cosmetics, hair products, hair pieces, colored contact lenses, endless evenings at the gym. The outfits, the accessories. The "men" I attracted were less than, that's for sure. And I always fell for the one that told me I was beautiful. At 30 I cried because I was old. Ha. At 40 I got a tattoo on my ankle because I felt the loss of youth. At 41 I got my upper and lower eyelids lifted. At 44 I bought boobs. At 45 I began covering the gray in my hair. I am now 49, and ladies, I am tired. Part of me wants to do a little lift (I know it would make me look 35 easily; I've got good genes). And from my upper knees to just underneath my plastic boobs I have spongy flesh. Not to mention that once-rock hard lifted ass is now flabby and I can do a mean Jerry Springer butt jiggle. My hair has virtually been fried by my constant changes in hair color. It takes me alot longer to get made up... but I can still do a fabulous "after". But lately, I have wondered... when does it end? How does one grow old gracefully? Especially in TODAY'S society when leading ladies are played by 16 year olds. What ever happened to real movie stars? They got old. Why do we have to cut and paste? I know, I know, just watch Extreme Makeovers. But really, when does it stop? Isn't an older face just as beautiful and when did it become such a badge of shame? I swear I am on the edge of starting a movement (OK, maybe I need a better word...) so we can begin to change our culture, one person at a time, back to knowing that an older woman is wiser, has more of life, and yes, can be just as beautiful as any 12 year old modeling in Vogue magazine. I am finding it more and more difficult to find MORE magazine. What does this tell us? And even then I read articles on plastic surgery. What message are we sending our daughters? I don't mean to sound "menopausal", but really, I am very worried about us. We can cut and paste and feel great about our appearance. But what happens when we get old enough that we are turned down by every doctor we go to? I can tell you that having my eyes done changed the way they aged. And I can tell you that I do think about being 88 and having plastic boobs. I am a licensed esthetician and have worked in a high-end salon in Boca Raton, Florida. I saw it all. I heard it all. And it saddened me. I made sure every woman and young girl left the room feeling a little bit better about her looks. Individual, unique looks. But what got me most were the women who didn't know when to quit. They had the money and the time. And they did it all. Some of those faces didn't even FEEL like real faces. Are we all in denial? Or am I having an anxiety attack on-line? Have I completely alienated myself in this newly found channel? Anybody out there even remotely relate to what I am saying (or trying to say)?? As I sit here, no make-up, no eyebrows, frizzy hair with 3/4" of regrowth, and look down at the veins in my ankles that now surround my tattoo, I realize that by today's (society's) standards I am far from beautiful, but right now, this moment, I have never felt this pretty. Now SHOES, that's another subject...
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CMGATORS
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posted on 3-22-2004 at 09:09 PM
like you haven't thought about it

I am 52 and I know what you mean about where does it end. I have not and will never get plastic surgery, but did get very down about how I was aging. I still weigh the same, still wear the same clothes(jeans & khaki's) and still have long hair. My hair is dried up from all the frosting I've had done. In my 40's I became allergic to dairy, certain chemicals and a myriad of other things. So, what to do? I finally stopped the hair frosting, don't wear make-up(allergic),eat healthy,exercise,pray and mostly I divorced myself from fashion magazines and anything TV or media related to that. We are brainwashed from our culture, big time. As I did this, I started feeling alot better about myself. You really have to cut back on the media, as it's very youth-oriented. I take pleasure now in the little things, a warm and toasty bed, my favorite tea, watching the birds at our feeder,etc. We cannot pattern ourselves after what others do. It's time for individuality. We need to embrace ourselves as wise and beautiful mature women.





MINDY

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leanne0721
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posted on 3-23-2004 at 11:32 PM
GREAT posts Linda and CMGATORS!!

BRAVO!!!

Why is it that the most beautiful women I know, never really believe their beautiful??

I know it sounds corny and quite the cliche...but beauty truly does work from the inside out.

Why at 40 do we want to look 30?? WHO made 30 more attractive????

I can tell you a story for every gray hair, and for every wrinkle I have. I EARNED them, and although you wont see me ignoring my looks, I think I am finally at a place to just be WHO I AM.

I think it all starts with just liking ourselves.





Leanne

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joliejacq
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posted on 3-24-2004 at 02:50 AM
Thanks so much for the long "cut & paste" post. I've never been a pretty girl, but tell myself there must be some attractiveness there - managed to snag a good-lookin' (and good-hearted) husband! My one physical gift from God is a slender dancer's body, which without effort I still have at age 51 (too bad God started snoozing when it was time to work on my head).
It occurred to me young - 30's, that it would require some thought to find a way to age gracefully, because I didn't have the bone structure to be beautiful in old age. There are many older women I've seen in my life that strike me as attractive. Georgia O'Keefe - so naturally beautiful, and I understand that when she was in her 80's, she had a lover over 30 years younger than her! Some of those European women you see in photos of small Italian towns - you know, simple hair, flowing clothing.
Of course, beauty is so subjective. My mom and her sisters still get these big Ethel Merman 'dos (they all go to the same hairdresser); she won't go out in the rain, and sits with the car windows closed (no air conditioning) in 90-degree weather, less something muss her hair! She's HORRIFIED by my simple little bob!
As a young woman, I had a period of being very jealous of my hub's ex-girlfriend, with whom he remained friends. Her occasional visits sent me to crazy places in my head!! She was not a pretty woman, but she was/is BRILLIANT. Extremely well-spoken and capable, and witty, and always seemed to be smiling. (We all remain good friends now - I'm over it!)
But the lesson is there - beauty is in physical features, but it's also in graceful movement, a good fashion sense, intelligence, confidence, generosity, kindness, creativity, ability.





The sky and sun are always there; it's the storms and clouds that come and go.
- Pema Chodron

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joliejacq
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posted on 3-24-2004 at 02:54 AM
Oh, and POSTURE. Remember the 50's and 60's, when we'd practice walking around with books on their heads? Can you imagine young girls doing this now???





The sky and sun are always there; it's the storms and clouds that come and go.
- Pema Chodron

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chriscarol
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posted on 3-24-2004 at 03:23 AM
I agree our culture is obsessed with
youth, particularly when it comes to
women. The media plays a tremendous
role in creating insecurity about one's
looks, as that's how they sell products.
I would have loved to frozen my face at
thirty, but it's too late now. The
ravages of time can be more cruel
than losing one's looks. Also, man, I
need some beauty sleep, or I may go
bonkers. Now that scares me more,
going bonkers.





CHRISCAROL

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chriscarol
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posted on 3-24-2004 at 03:25 AM
Oh yes, I'm moving to France, where
they appreciate a "seasoned" woman.
Also, I'd fit right in, because my bust
would just about fit in a champagne
glass. Ahhhhhhh, too bad they hate
Americans.





CHRISCAROL

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MaryP
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posted on 4-18-2004 at 02:10 AM
Hi all,
Great posts about an important subject.
I am having some tough times getting used to an 'older me'.
I turned gray at thirty, so I'm comfortable with that, and thanks to a lifetime of oily skin I'm not too wrinkled (in my late fourties) but I do feel suprised when I look in the mirror. When did I go from a young woman to this older woman??? It seems like it happened over night.
My biggest (ha) problem is I am thirty pounds overweight this past few years, mostly the buddha belly style, storing estrogen no doubt, and no matter how much I work out and watch my food, I stay the same. It is a deep lesson in humility to face the world with extra weight.
I have a wonderful (younger) husband who thinks I'm beautiful and sexy, so I guess I just need to come to peace with it all.
I thought my grandmothers were beautiful and they didn't fight aging. It was just the way life is.
Beauty really is about the spirit, and how you share love in the world. I hope we can all learn to see that in ourselves as we age - gracefully.............
M.

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joliejacq
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posted on 4-19-2004 at 05:13 AM
Amen, Mary.





The sky and sun are always there; it's the storms and clouds that come and go.
- Pema Chodron

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CSugarGrove
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posted on 4-19-2004 at 09:52 PM
Looking Good During (and After) Menopause

Hi all,

Sometimes it seems to me that although I put my best foot forward each day, people are repelled by my old face.

I saw a TV program where they claim that we instintively are drawn to younger female faces and we turn away from older female faces because genetically both men and women are programmed to keep the race going.

You wouldn't think that females would react to older women by turning away, and might see them as a sympathetic mother figure, but so far the younger women I've talked to regard me as old and out of the loop, so they don't give me the time of day. How can I possible relate to a girl who is 30 years younger than me? I have no idea what is going on in her world, nor in a young man's world either, for that matter. And I don't feel at all comfortable talking about my issues either, that's for sure.


Women who did live to old age were regarded with suspicion and fear, which is how we started calling them witches, whether they were or not. We didn't know how to accept them. And there weren't very many of them. Usually people died in their thirties. Now, with medicine and better nutrition, they are living to old age. We still need a few thousand years to re-program our brains to accept older people, especially women. Men can still possibly reproduce even though they are old, but older women can do nothing to keep the race going, so we don't know how to take them.

I've noticed that people seem to be repelled by me based solely on my face. I guess I could get some cosmetic work done, but where do you stop? Or maybe you don't stop--you just keep getting one thing after another fixed. Don't know if I have the time or patience for that. Not to mention that it isn't covered by insurance, so you have to pay for all of it. What do you do if something gets botched? Sue them, spend time in court, etc.?

If there is any one single problem I have experienced with meno, it's looking old and losing my estrogen so I am no longer pretty. If I could just be pretty with wrinkles, it wouldn't be so bad. But right now I look like Moe from the Three Stooges. I walk up to people and I imagine they are trying not to laugh, or they seem to turn away because I'm not even worth talking to.

Maybe I need to get busy in the world doing something that doesn't have to do with how I look. I am doing this now in my job and it's satisfying, but every now and then, I converse with someone, and I start to feel like I'm being judged badly.

My husband used to just gaze at me when we first got married, but now he won't look at me like that. I've talked to him about estrogen loss and how it makes older women lose their prettiness, and he says I'm not ugly, but he still doesn't really look at me anymore.

Can anyone relate to any of this, or do I just sound insane?





Defender of Wildlife: "Principles don't mean much unless you stick to them when it's inconvenient."

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ej
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posted on 4-19-2004 at 10:09 PM
CSugarGrove

I think you're being too hard on yourself. I certainly have my moments (many of them) where I hate the way I look and that correlates w/how I feel.

We will never look the way we did unless we resort to surgery (I'm more opposed to this now then I was when I was younger).

If you start believing you will start feeling!

Although cliches, they're true...beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you're only as young as you feel!!!!

Feel better.
EJ





TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!

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dcamp
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posted on 4-19-2004 at 10:10 PM
You don't sound insane at all. I also am struggling with this "getting older" thing. Although, I am not quite following you when you say that due to estrogen loss you have lost your prettiness. I don't really notice that I look any different, just not as young. I have never had anything done surgically, and I doubt that I ever will, but I sure do make a huge effort with cosmetics, plenty of rest, exercise, and water to keep myself looking good. It does bother me that men don't give second glances any more. Not that I would do anything about it. I am happily married to a wonderful man. But when other men stop looking, you just know that they consider you too old and not worth a look. I wish I could be more comfortable with this ageing thing, as many of the women on this board are, but I can't get past it. Maybe I will soon. This is all kind of new to me and I didn't really see it coming. Have a great day and I'll bet you don't really look like Moe.





If you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance...............

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Mattia
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posted on 4-20-2004 at 12:03 AM
When I married my husband, he got alot of comments like, "Wow, why would she want to marry an ugly man like you?" Or people would say to me, "Why did you marry HIM?"

How hurtful and biased people are to others based on looks. It just breaks my heart to hear others think they are not attractive.

My husband is beautiful to me and I personally think he is a hunk; a REAL man. The most gorgeous blue eyes I've ever seen, a cool straight nose (I like noses), and a beautiful mouth. I tell him he is "perfect" because I believe he is. He is my gift from God.

I was a homely looking child all the way through into my early 30's when I blossomed late. Now I have saggy eyelids, big wrinkles across my forehead, and my face is just drooping. It's hard to deal with at times but I'm OK with it. I've used Renova on and off (mostly off) for a few years but it irriates my skin.

I love people, interacting with them and helping them, even smiling at an old couple in the grocery store. I look at everyone as a "soul" - a gift put on this earth from God.

People who judge on looks will someday age too and soon face these types of feelings - hopefully it will be a good life lesson for them.

Tina






Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but rather the moments that take our breath away...

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chriscarol
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posted on 4-20-2004 at 02:33 AM
Y'know, in order to propagate continuation
of the species, men do look for youth and
beauty, while women look for a good
provider. Men should feel taken, as well.
Of course, if this was entirely true,
every old guy would dump his wife.
Bonding happens. Aging ain't easy.
But, some facelifts look horrid. Also,
sun damage accounts for lots more
wrinkles than lack of estrogen.

CSugar, C'mon now Moe. You're
probably quite attractive!!!

I notice I look much better when I
can sleep. dcamp, I envy you, how do
you manage to sleep.





CHRISCAROL

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chriscarol
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posted on 4-20-2004 at 02:35 AM
Also, when my mood is down, I feel less
attractive. I need to go clothes shopping.
I hate stores these days.





CHRISCAROL

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chriscarol
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posted on 4-20-2004 at 02:36 AM
And, the anxiety has etched a major
worry line in my brow.





CHRISCAROL

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dcamp
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posted on 4-20-2004 at 03:35 AM
Hi Chriscarol

Sleeping has never been an issue with me. I think having 5 kids, a full-time job and a house and yard to keep up, I'm just plain worn out by the end of the day. My husband can't believe how "comatose" I am when I'm asleep. He hears every little noise. What really bugs him is the way I can sleep through a thunderstorm, lightning, loud thunder and all, and never even realize that it rained when I wake up in the morning. I have lots of other symptoms, but insomnia isn't one of them.





If you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance...............

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CSugarGrove
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posted on 4-20-2004 at 08:11 PM
dcamp, I thought of a saying that I try to explain to people but most of them don't get it:

The only cure for insomnia is sleep deprivation.

Sounds like you would know what this means, because with five kids and your busy schedule, you probably barely get enough shut-eye and you don't have any problems with insomnia, right?

If I am well rested every night, after several nights I start to have problems being tired enough. Then I can't fall asleep, or I toss and turn....and this is otherwise known as insomnia.

But if I get barely four hours every night for several nights, guess what? No problems falling asleep and no insomnia.

chriscarol, I said I looked like Moe because I was hoping you'd laugh. I bet you did....





Defender of Wildlife: "Principles don't mean much unless you stick to them when it's inconvenient."

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chriscarol
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posted on 4-24-2004 at 08:00 AM
Considering the health ramifications of
sleep deprivation, nope C Sugar, I
don't get it. I do however, covet the
fortitude of both dcamp and yourself.
I am a wimp, particularly when hormonally
challenged.





CHRISCAROL

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chriscarol
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posted on 4-24-2004 at 08:03 AM
Another night, awake at 3:04a.m. If
being in a chronic state of anxiety
doesn't exhaust me, I'm hopeless.
Seriously, I just want to get out of
this with a shred of sanity left.





CHRISCAROL

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DesRothchild
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posted on 4-25-2004 at 12:39 AM
Okay, I am one of those always told they were good looking. I see quite a few here were as well.

I always thought when I was told I was beautiful: Is that something to be proud of? Did I do anything to achieve it? Is it even a good thing?

It IS hard when not many men look at you any more (except older ones) when you were used to most men looking. Still, sometimes I like the idea of being out of the meat market.

As long as I have my husband (who is, unfortunately, still beautiful), why do I care about any other man's opinion?

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chriscarol
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posted on 4-25-2004 at 03:18 AM
Call me a realist, but I thought through
my thirties, regarding the attention of
men, wait until I'm older, then you won't
notice me. I'm not much good at denial.
Plus, I realized the rules of this game
young. All it takes it one good partner,
to make you feel special.

I need to go clothes shopping. My
head is in a panicky whirl, through peri,
so decision making is hindered. I want
my mind back!!!!! Plus, since I don't
work, casual clothes are fine. I do
wear makeup most days. Thinking of
getting a new do. I'm starting to look
like Cousin It. Plus, I let the salon do
my brows, and a daily swipe with a
razor takes care of the facial hair.
Since I've been using Retin A and
sunscreen on my face and neck,
since 28, I thought a stitch in time saves
nine. I have been consuming more
booze through this bad boy, which
concerns me. My diet is decent, I
takes scores of supplements, plus
I HAVE to walk. I do lots correct, a few
things need changing.

Here come cornball: A smile is the
best facelift. When I'm in a good mood,
people find me more attractive.
Plus, my high wide cheekbones help
hold up the face. Still, time edges on........





CHRISCAROL

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chriscarol
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posted on 4-25-2004 at 03:29 AM
Speaking of smiles. I love the Crest
White Strips. On the negative side,
these teeth are going to cost me a
good 5,000 bucks, to bridge and crown.
This gets EXPENSIVE!!!!! My teeth
these I must maintain, until poverty, or
death. Kind of like marriage.





CHRISCAROL

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cottenhead
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posted on 4-25-2004 at 04:34 AM
well girls ... i said to my mom once" i look in the mirror and i am seeing you" she said,,,"i look in the mirror and see your grandmother





Sue

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chriscarol
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posted on 4-25-2004 at 04:45 AM
Still, time edges on. I hear you
Cottenhead. The day my sister said,
she started seeing our father's
reflection, staring back at her was
weird, however. She said, "I'd never
noticed that before." Who was
all paranoid about looking like a
guy?? Oh, here I go, the queen of the
obsessive. Every last bat is coming
out of the bellfry. Anxiety issues,
these I know, too well.





CHRISCAROL

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newjourneys
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posted on 4-25-2004 at 06:25 AM
I hope one day we can look around and celebrate the beautiful crones we are be-coming and know absolutely the wisdom and beauty that is within us will alway be present and shine through.

The gift of older women is simple - stories, gifts tales that can be won no other way. I wouldn't trade that for anything and feel blessed to know and have met so many wonderful older women, beginning in my childhood and continuing up until now. Come on, ladies, let's celebrate what we have!

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Mattia
Super Surgette






Posts 486
Registered 3-12-2004
Location FL
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Mood: Happy Again !!

posted on 4-25-2004 at 10:31 PM
I look alot like my Dad. Olive complection with dark eyes and high eyebrows and cheekbones. Thank God I have inherited the Italian features and good quality of skin. No one believes I'm 45. My sister who has the fair skin and light brown eyes looks like Mom and everyone thinks she is older than me. She is 6 years younger. I feel blessed - thanks Dad !!

I grew up with Dad telling me how I was the most beautiful girl in the world and I still believe it inside - I don't look it now but it's a good feeling anyway.

Mom never took the time to show me how to look better so I didn't learn how to use makeup and enhance my features until a friend showed me in my late 20's.

Now in my 40's I use no foundation, just eye makeup and mascara and I think I look better than using alot of makeup.

As long as I like me for who I am, I'm not too worried about what people think when they look at me.

Tina






Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but rather the moments that take our breath away...

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