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Intimacy Expert  


Intimacy Expert Q&A's
Name: Carole

I am a 56 year old menopausal woman who has been celibate nearly six years. I had a partial hysterectomy (I have part of one ovary) 23 years ago. Several weeks ago I began an intimate relationship with a dear friend. I am very attracted to this man physically, intellectually, emotionally. However, even though I appear to be aroused I have pain on intercourse like I experienced when I first lost my virginity. Is this normal? We use Kama Sutra oil and I am still having this problem--we have only been intimate twice. It's not so much vaginal dryness as a feeling that my muscles are not "bending"--for lack of a better term. What can I do?


What you describe as your muscles not "bending" may be due to a decrease in epithelial elasticity secondary to estrogen insufficiency. You say you have pain, but didn't comment on the degree of lubrication you have on arousal. The pain needs to be properly evaluated to determine if it is superficial pain, deep pain, and what the cause(s) may be (Biological, medical, historical, psychological, etc.) before appropriate treatment can be recommended. Lubrications (water or oil-based)do not penetrate the vagina, they merely coat it. Fortunately there are a number of alternatives available including vitamin E, local estrogen (vagifem or estring) but each intervention must be tailor made to your individual needs -- this isn't a one size fits all solution. An OBGYN comfortable with the treatment of Female Sexual Functioning is the one to see. He/she will do lab testing for hormonal levels, a thorough physical exam and history, and go from there.

Dr. Sandy Scantling
Author of Extraordinary Sex Now.
Visit Dr. Sandy's Web site at:

Information provided by Dr. Scantling is general in nature and should not be construed as a substitute for a visit to and examination by your own personal physician.
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