Help! I just turned 50. My father recently died and my mother is requiring me to care for her several days a week. I work and my husband is about lose his self employed business and all I want to do is run away. Every day as far away from everyone as I can get. What can I do? I don't trust myself to make a good decision. I'm so irrational but I think it's physical, not emotional, so I get up and cope till I fall into bed.
I can certainly understand why you are feeling this way, but of course running away is not the answer ! Although this is a stressful time for everyone concerned, you do need to take time out each day for you.
I realise that this can sound trite in view of the problems all of you are facing at the moment, but it isn't. Taking time out each day is very important for you and your mental and physical health. It will help you gather your thoughts, it will assist you in working through your own grief and sadness and it can help you find the extra energy that you need at the moment.
In all probability you would be feeling the physical and emotional effects of these major life stresses. This is your body's way of telling you to take care of your self.
Many, many people deal with major life stresses such as these, by trying to be all things to all people, by trying to do the right thing for all concerned. What they don't realise is that they also need to be there for themselves and do the right thing for themselves. This is not being selfish. Rather it is the way to stay healthy, physically and emotionally. Staying healthy means that we can assist others more effectively.
Where can you take time out for you? Have a look at your daily schedule. Where can you make time for you. And the answer isnt, "there is no time." There is, if you look closely.
Perhaps you arrange a schedule with other family members to help in the care of your mother. Or perhaps arrange for a volunteer from your local church to spend time with your mother one or two days a week.
Where in your day can you take 30 minutes to perhaps meditate or use a guided relaxation technique, soak in a deep hot bath, read a book, have a massage etc.
What can both you and your husband do together so that you can both spend a few quiet hours to perhaps have dinner, a walk, watch a movie ?
If you find everything is becoming overwhelming, you could speak with a counsellor and talk it all through. Having someone to talk to, who is not involved in the situation can be of great help. Just speaking it out, can help change your perspective, and to see various situations in a different light.
But above all, take care of you.
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