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Relationship Expert Q&A's
Name: Ophelia

Dear Mr. Carter, I have been going over a whole year without contact and I know in my bones that I will never contact him again. In my case, it is easier than in other CP/N relationships, since we actually live in different countries. With time and reading, and some more time, everything is becoming clear and I can see the 3,5 year relationship for what it was. I don’t hate him, but I have a hard time forgiving myself, since this disaster has profoundly and irrevocably altered my career. This makes it harder to forget, as the by-product of the relationship is ever present. I never think of him romantically, yet I often have these fantasies of me doing the right thing at crucial stages of the relationship (walking away, obviously). How common is that? How bad a sign is that? Thank you.

What you're doing is completely typical and normal and healthy. The only way to help yourself now is to move your mind in a different direction every time you start to think about him. If you let yourself obsess you will remain very unhappy. You can choose not to obsess.

Your focus should be on the future, not the past. And praise yourself for being disconnected from this man.

Steven Carter
Relationship expert and author of 19 books, including the New York Times bestseller, Men Who Can't Love, What Smart Women Know, Getting To Commitment, 'This Is How Love Works' and his newest, Help, I'm In Love With A Narcissist

Read Steven Carter's guest transcripts on Power Surge.

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