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Intimacy Expert  


Intimacy Expert Q&A's
Name: Mellie

I am female, 30 years old, & a virgin. I find it difficult to be intimate (even kissing)—I’ve always felt awkward about it. I feel ashamed & embarrassed about my lack of sexual experience because I am convinced I'm not "normal.” I’m convinced my first experience will be humiliating because he’ll know right away I’m inexperienced—I don’t want to be a laughingstock. I feel like the only one in the world with this problem--even when I search for similar stories on the Internet I can't find any. Is it abnormal to be 30 and a virgin? To have never had a boyfriend, or less sexual desire than others?

Dear Mellie,

It's quite "normal" to feel awkward when we're inexperienced -- whether it's being a beginner in the swim class or practicing on the bunny ski slope as an adult. First, let me reassure you that you are not "abnormal" because you are a "virgin at 30". On the other hand, it is apparent that you are suffering and distress is not "normal". My suggegstion is to find a good therapist so that you can discuss ways to improve your self esteem, discuss your lonliness, embarrassment, and find strategies to develop some competency in this important part of your life.Go to and find a therapist in your area.

Dr. Sandy Scantling
Author of Extraordinary Sex Now.
Visit Dr. Sandy's Web site at:

Information provided by Dr. Scantling is general in nature and should not be construed as a substitute for a visit to and examination by your own personal physician.
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