The Male Point Of View

38, WebGuy, Alabama

Dearest: Your thoughts about general interaction with mature women?

Jerry: Being under 40 does not give me "that" much time with women over 40. Remembering back in the past, however, I have known and been involved with you as well as Mom, Grandma, ect. Generally, to me, women over 40 have been kind and nurturing, gently instructing on the proper care and respect of women in general.

Dearest: What comes to mind when you think about the "mature woman?"

Jerry: I am mostly impressed and drawn to women over 40. Maybe it has something to do with the "been there, done that" look and attitude. Women 40 and over are deserving of admiration on many levels. One of my closest, or rather my closest online friend, is 48, and we have some of the best "conversation" that I have with any kind of a regularity. We talk art, history and all manner of other things on a deep level. Does say anything about the online world? Maybe. I truly respect women of any age. As the perceived age gap closes, women over 40 only get better. In all ways. You are classics."

Dearest: If you've noticed changes during the time you've known us - as a direct result of this process called menopause, what are they?

Jerry: I have not been aware of what to "notice" until now having looked at Power Surge.

Dearest: Oh, well, if you haven't noticed, don't go out of your way to notice now :)

J i m   B . . .

59, Independent Consultant, Texas

Dearest: Do you ever think women over 40 communicate with men differently from younger women?

Jim: People under unusual stress tend to behave differently than they would otherwise. Trauma tends to cause us to react in an argumentative, arbitrary, illogical manner. Some women, who have not become comfortable with their sexuality when they enter the pause years, react to the situation in an insecure, fearful way. This tends to bring on stress followed by trauma and all the adverse side effects associated with these pressures. Trauma is mostly caused by change. Even good or positive change causes trauma and earns you points on the trauma chart making you more susceptible to illness and accidents.

The pause is one of two times in a female’s life where change is the norm – pubescence is the other. Both can be growth and a flowering. Females tend to metamorphose during these two times in their lives. Youthful to fruitful to barren. Barren is such a harsh word for this beautiful time in a woman’s life. Even the words that float to the surface in the thesaurus don’t sound too good. It has the connotation that somehow a woman’s value or worth is solely to propagate the species.

Is this a vaguery of the English language? The western world? Mammals? It must be rooted in the same misconceptions as male inadequacy is inevitable past a certain age. So much of both is in the mind. Well at least society doesn’t still put us out to die. However, we are forced to retire.

Dearest: "Barren" sounds so archaic. I can't remember when I last heard anyone use that expression in defining older women. I believe menopausal and postmenopausal women think of themselves as evolved, not barren. Barren denotes an emptiness and loss, while so many women come out the other side of menopause with a renewed spirit, many of whom are just beginning to embark upon new careers with a sense of freedom from children and responsibilities that have tied them down for years.

Jim: In my experience many women become desperate when they begin to lose their youthfulness. A fuller figure, loose muscles, wrinkles have as much impact as the pause itself. The more a woman tends to rely on her appearance before the pause, the higher the stress and trauma during the change. The result is mostly a butterfly, but sometimes, a dragonfly.

Dearest: Women change as they age. Noone can remain a young whipper-snapper forever. I wonder why men take such notice of women's physical changes, while some seem oblivious to their own less than stellar baldness, enlarged gut, and bouts of impotency. Why do you say women become desperate? I gather you feel some women are miserable at the concept of aging.

Jim: Desperate women are often demanding, spiteful and insecure but very easy. Where they may have flirted and then refused earlier in life, now they feel they must "put out" to maintain a relationship. Women who have a finer sense of themselves are much more fun, stimulating and not willing to trade sex for comfort and compassion. The former tend to be relegated to one night flings (that may last for months depending on the couple) while the latter develops into long time relationships (either friendship or partners).

Dearest: Demanding, spiteful, insecure... easy? As for a woman "putting out" as a way of holding onto a man just because she's become older, that doesn't seem like a woman with a very high sense of herself."

Jim: I love women of all ages – to look, to talk, to feel, they are walking breathing works of art to be cherished and appreciated. My wife understands my passion for women and has developed friendships with several of my women friends. She has little in common with the ones who were flings and doesn’t care much for them from the getgo. When I met my wife, I was going through a phase my children call the long legged blond of the quarter period. Not that my partners were all long legged or blond. It was an image. I was very much into hedonism. When the warts started to show, both sides were ready to move on. My wife’s patience and resistance, won me over to a different perspective – a new monogamous phase.

Dearest: Your wife must be very patient to put up with your flings with and passion for women. I don't know many women who would. Tell me more about how these women act differently.

Jim: My experience is with women who are waiting for the pause or who have completed the change. I have never been intimately involved with a woman, other than my mother, who was going through the pause. I was far too insensitive at the time my mother was changing to even pay much attention.

Dearest: Interesting phrase, "waiting for the pause." Kinda reminds me of "Waiting For Godot."

Jim: No experience, but my wife and I are ready for the pause to start, so the change can complete.

Dearest: I see. Do you communicate with your wife about what she's feeling? Do you ask what you can do to help her through this time of life, and how you can work together to help one another?

Jim: We discuss it often, but until the experience starts it is all academic with us. We do not feel that any emotional or physiological pressures will occur. We have five children and do not want any more. She continues to be physically and sexually desirable to me in the extreme. Other men respond to her beauty and grace. She is a very secure and lovely "personnete." :>)

Dearest: Menopause doesn't generally occur in a text book-like manner, unfortunately. Any thoughts about whether your relationship will change for the better? Worse?

Jim: We have moved from plateau to plateau throughout out relationship. The relationship continues to get better and better. We have gone from friends to lovers, partners, spouses and now old married couple. We have experienced dating, blended holidays, living together, death of my father who was living with us, death of a child (26 year old of AIDs related), loss of job, unemployment, new jobs, promotions, buying new house, many, many life experiences that translate to trauma. This has been without degrading our relationship. We have been supportive and there for each other and our children. The pause holds no fear for us.

Dearest: Heavy loss, a child of 26. Sorry to hear that. Such a trauma might be responsible for all sorts of illogical behavior.

R i c k. . .

37, Machinist, Texas.

Dearest: Do you think midlife women interact differently because they're going through menopause?

Rick: Certainly. I think that it has nothing to do with the pause though. Women I have known begin acting differently at approximately 35. It is my personal belief that most of them were looking forward to and regretting having their children leave home either soon or recently.

Dearest: What is your general impression of women over 40?

Rick: Older women seem to be more thoughtful of how their actions affect others. They are generally more refined and confident than their younger counterparts.

Dearest: If and how has her pause caused you to adjust your behavior?"

Rick: I have cleared the brush from almost 5 acres since the onset. Sometimes it is simply wise to give her a wide berth. As much as I love her, I would rather leave her be sometimes than cause her torment with an arguement. At other times (often closely spaced) our romantic escapades would cripple an ordinary man.

Dearest: "Have you noticed changes in your partner, and how has it affected your relationship, behavior, and feelings?"

Rick: Unfortunately for myself and your questionaire, I have only a few short months of experience with the lady in question. It would seem that she is full of surprises, thank God.

Dearest: "What specific changes have you noticed?"

Rick: I have noticed that she sleeps with every bit of cover she can get and will still complain of the cold. At other times she is kicking them to the floor.

Dearest: "Have you found her personality has changed?"

Rick: No, she is the same person, just a little more susceptible to radical mood swings!

Dearest: "Have there been noticeable changes in your sex life?"

Rick: From the time we met, our sex life has been great. It has only gotten better. Jamie has been cursed all her life with erratic periods, and this was a blessing in that regard.

Dearest: Do you talk to her about what she's going through, and how do you help her get through this time of life?

Rick: First of all, it has been a change in both our lives, there have been times when I felt as if I were tied to a whipping post simply for her enjoyment. We talk and try to figure ways to make this change in our lives go as smoothly as possible. We both work, so we try to get together in the evenings to water the garden together. We could always do better, but we definetly have a line of communications open.

S p a r r o w,   T o m . . .