Power Surge Live with Sandra Pertot, Ph.D.

Mar 10th, 9 PM, ET

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Thursday, Mar. 10, 9 PM (ET), 6 PM (PT)




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Sandra Pertot, Ph.D.

Join us Thursday, March 10th at 9:00 PM (ET) when
Sandra Pertot, Ph.D. a clinical psychologist and sex therapist
discusses her latest book, Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido.

FREE copies of
Perfectly Normal:
Living and Loving with Low Libdo

will be given away at the chat. 

Dr. Sandra Pertot is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist.

Contrary to many books on sexuality and libido, Dr. Pertot's new book, Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido, rejects the current notion that a "healthy" sex life means frequent and exciting. Instead, individuals fall along a wide spectrum of interest in sex and low libido does not necessarily mean sexual dysfunction.

If you feel like you wouldn't care if you never had sex again, you're not alone.
 ... and if you're going through menopause, you know what I mean! 
The largest group of people seeking sex therapy is women who feel there must be something wrong with them because they don't have the urgent sex drive they believe everybody is supposed to have. In Perfectly Normal, she believes there are many ordinary and logical reasons why you might not want to have sex -- and provides practical solutions to everyday sexual problems.

She doesn't offer a cure for low libido but rather Dr. Sandra Pertot dismisses that theory. This is an approach for making your sex life the best it can be with what you've got. In Perfectly Normal, you'll find specific tips on discovering your sexual potential, including how to:

  • Explore your ability to have orgasms
  • Stay focused during sex
  • Practice fantasizing
  • Appreciate your body
  • Identify what gets you interested in sex -- and what turns you off.

Thursday, Mar. 10th at 9 PM (ET) in
Power Surge Live! Chat 
( you must register for the chat room even if
you're registered on the message boards )

FREE copies of
Perfectly Normal:
Living and Loving with Low Libdo

will be given away at the chat.



 Read the transcript here 


An Excerpt from 'Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving With Low Libido'
by Sandra Pertot, Ph.D.
(Read the full article - Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido)


 Are there times when you feel like having sex but you don't let your partner know?

There are various reasons that a woman may not act on any feelings of sexual interest. She may worry that if she approaches her partner for some wildly raunchy sex, he will then expect her to do it regularly. Since she can't guarantee that she will feel the same way on a consistent basis, she ignores the impulse to seduce him.

Similarly, a woman recovering from a period of low sex drive, such as after the birth of a baby, may also not let her partner know of her occasional sexual interest because she's afraid he will think everything is back to normal. She knows this isn't the case, because women recovering from episodes of low drive typically have quite erratic patterns of sexual desire. While she may be keen one night, it could be weeks before that feeling returns.

In both of these cases, the simple answer is to go for it when the mood strikes you, but afterward, let your partner know, with some regret for you both, that you can't guarantee when you will feel that way again.

A woman also may not act on her sexual interest because she fears that her partner will interpret her behavior to mean that she feels very turned on and wants passionate sex, when in fact she may want sex for more emotional and sensual reasons. The best solution is to trust your feelings and be confident enough to say how you're feeling and what you need. "I'm not horny, but I want your body; I need to be close" is just one example of how to explain your intentions.

Another obstacle that may keep a woman from expressing her desire for sex is that in general, women are more tuned in to their partner's emotional states. This means that if he has said he's tired or for some reason she assumes he wouldn't be interested in sex, she won't make advances because she doesn't want to put him out. When this comes up in sex therapy, the reaction of a lot of men is "Please, please, let me be the one to decide whether or not I want sex!"

Not feeling confident to initiate sex, for any reason, can skew the perception of a woman's libido. In the case of one couple I saw who had different biological clocks, the husband felt that his wife had low libido because she wasn't keen when he was interested in the morning, and he had to make a lot of effort to get her to respond to his advances. When she explained that she did feel interested in the evening, but she knew he was tired and didn't want to bother him, the focus of their mismatched libido issue changed.

When a woman is prepared to try to initiate sex, she may find it difficult to be blatant about what she wants. She may give only indirect signals, which her partner often misses. One woman felt that by saying, "I'm going to bed now," she was inviting her husband to come with her for sex, but he said he didn't realize that that was any different from other nights when she went to bed early. Even in today's supercharged sexual atmosphere, you may feel uncomfortable about doing a striptease to get your husband's interest or taking the initiative by undressing him. Maybe the answer is to tell him, "When I say this or do that, it means I want to have sex with you."

Women seem to be more influenced by practical issues than men are. Although a woman may feel interested in sex, she can switch herself off when she realizes that the kids will be home soon, or it's late and tomorrow is an early start, or she has to prepare dinner because guests are due soon. It's a tricky situation, to be sure, but this could be the time to make sex about doing something cheeky and daring.

By not having sex on those occasions when you actually feel like it, you are limiting yourself to having sex when your partner initiates it. The chances that you'll always want sex at the same time he does aren't high, so you are losing those opportunities when sex is likely to be best for you. Although it's difficult for you to clearly signal when sex seems like a good idea, give it a try. A strategy that can overcome any embarrassment is to act out a role. Think of someone in the movies and imagine what she does in a seduction scene. By hamming it up as someone else, you can get past your own inhibitions, and eventually it will become easier to initiate sex as yourself.

(Read the full article - Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido)

Additional Reading:
The illusion of Sexual Individuality
Midlife Sexuality, Relationships / Vaginal Dryness



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